The lazy rule: Can`t reach what I dropped.. don`t need it.
I love Pandas, they`re so chill. They`re like "Dude, racism is stupid. I`m White, Black, and Asian..."
Mirror - "Ooh you look cute today!" Camara - "Lol, no."
Never say, “Oops.” Always say, “Ah, interesting!”
There’s no panic like trying to press `End Call` when you make an accidental call.
Lies Told In Texts - On my way. (When you actually haven`t even left the house.)
Lazy fact #75483959723, You were too lazy to read that number.
Dear boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I`d take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, Girlfriend.
Sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer, & my alarm clock is the police.
That Awkward Moment when santa has the same wrapping paper as your mom.
that sexy face before you sneeze.
Why do we use our blankets as shields at night? Like is the monster gonna be like ” oh shit…..they have a blanket..RRRUUUUNNN!!!!”
That awkward moment when you walk through the metal detectors at the airport, and your abs of steel set them off.
Oooooh, thats a bit too harsh. Let me put a `lol` at the end of it.
I tried to kill a spider with hair spray. It`s still alive, but its hair looks FABULOOOOUS!
It`s all a lie... the "Made in China" stickers are actually made in Mexico.
Saw a Chinese baby and a black kid wave at each other today. Gives me hope for the future. Or another Rush Hour movie.
When I have kids, I`ll make them watch 2012 movie and tell them I survived that..
``Can i see your phone?`` ``One second, *delete *delete *delete , here you go.``
I hate when people see me at the store & are like "hey what are you doing here?" Im like "Oh you know, hunting elephants."
That awkward moment when you see 9 year olds with boyfriends or girlfriends, while you`re still single.
"And I was like`...". "Really, you said that?" "No, but I was thinking it."
Mom look... mom come on.. MOM hurry... MOM... you missed it.
Barking back at dogs to show them who`s boss.
Dear Mom, how can you hear me mumble under my breath but you can’t hear me say "What?!" multiple times when you scream my name?
"Dad, I`m hungry." "Hi, Hungry. I`m Dad." "Dad, I`m serious." "I thought you were Hungry?" "Are you kidding me?" "Nope, I`m Dad."
*FIRE ALARM* Teacher: "Okay children, stay in your seats just for a minute." Student: "Just gonna stand there and watch me burn.."
"All you do is sit on that computer" Lies. I sit on the chair.
Age is just a number. Yeah, 911 is too.
That awkward when you already said "moment" in your head before you even read it..
I don`t care how old I am. It`s the fu*king ice cream truck were talking about.
I`m fairly sure that my cute next door neighbor thinks I`m a stalker. She wrote it on Facebook, Twitter, And even in both of her diaries.
2 girls wearing the same shirt- "That bitch, copied my style".. 2 boys wearing the same shirt- "Brother!!
The Hardest Desicion of Our Childhood: Charmander, Squirtle or Baulbasaur.